A Sheltered Life – stories as told to Maggie Haylock-Capon, by Liza, resident greeter at the Loyalist Humane Society. (Photographs by Alan R. Capon)
(If you are unable to adopt a cat or kitten, there are many other important ways to help the LHS. Donations of Javex and other household cleaning products, garbage bags, grocery bags, litter, cat food and kitten food are welcome. The Loyalist Humane Society is located on County Road 4, (Talbot Street), near the intersection of Tripp Road.)
It’s Crawford, here, pinch-hitting for the Loyalist Humane Society’s spokescat and official greeter, Liza. As you probably know, our shelter is abuzz with the news of her disastrous television debut on Live@5. Everyone is talking, even Wesley, who is usually not one to gossip.
All of us are wondering what will happen next. Liza has gone into seclusion in the ladies’ room (Franco says she is really in rehab) and refuses to come out. She told Zeke that she simply cannot face her public after letting everyone at the shelter down. She is certain that the embarrassing video that shows her attacking Live@5 host Bill Welychka has gone on You Tube.
All of us here at the shelter feel bad for Liza, but we agree that she was getting a little full of herself. Perhaps she will learn a valuable lesson from her 15 minutes of infamy. Even stars must learn to control their tempers and share the spotlight with up-and-comers like that sweet kitten Anon-a-Miss who appeared on TV with Liza and stole the show.
We are hopeful that news of Kiefer Sutherland’s arrival at the LHS will cheer our Liza and coax her out of her self-imposed exile in the bathroom. If we can persuade Kiefer to come out from under the coach this pair may hit it off. Both of them are in show business, after all.
There have been several adoptions at our shelter in recent days. Among those finding their forever homes were Tubby, Cheesie, and Mighty Mouse, who was taken home by a volunteer.
Sadly, we lost Agatha, a tabby cat who mysteriously appeared on our doorstep one day about two years ago, and dear little Leftovers McRemnant, a kitten who succumbed to FIP (Feline Infectious Peritonitis). Although they were with us for only a short time, we will not forget them.
There have been a number of new arrivals lately and all of them are hoping for forever homes. Usually, Liza makes the introductions, but in her absence I will do the honours. Follow me, please.
Cremesicle enjoys nothing more than a long nap on a cold winter afternoon. She would love to snuggle with you on the sofa in front of a roaring fire. If you are in search of a quiet, mannerly cat who knows how to relax and enjoy life, invite her to your next slumber party.
Bite Me and Mouse
Bite Me and Mouse were part of last week’s dating scene and although their romance appears to have gotten off the ground, it failed to ignite. Bored expressions indicate that these two were not a match.
Dolores Denise, a pert little tabby cat was bored stiff during her date with Tarzan. She says he insisted on calling her Jane and prattled on about being a real swinger. She nodded off when he launched into a tirade about how it was “a jungle out there”.
Penny Goes Punk
Like Mattie, Penny has a luxurious fur coat, but this winter she decided to update her look. Off she went to the groomer for a trendy punk rocker Mohawk. As you might have guessed she had a few knots in her fur that defied a comb, hence her new, short “do”. Although she is not looking her best at the moment, in a few weeks she will be a real beauty, once again.
The Three Amigos
Resident aviator, Zeke, Brando, and Moey enjoy spending lazy afternoons on a shelf that provides them with a birds-eye view of the cattery. Zeke is fond of regaling his friends with tales of how he shot down the Red Baron, while Brando mutters about his godfather.
This Week’s Pin-Up – Kiefer Sutherland
There is a star in our midst and his name is Kiefer Sutherland. This drop-dead gorgeous hero of the big screen was vacationing in the wilderness of Prince Edward County when he became a little disoriented and lost his way. A kind gentleman who was worried for him began to provide him with regular meals. However, when his benefactor decided to go out of town, he knew Kiefer would need a caregiver, so he brought him to Mrs. Moffatt.
Kiefer is a little shy, which seems odd for a star, but with a bit of one-on-one attention he is certain to come out of his shell. At present, he is hiding under the casting couch, waiting for a starring role to come along. Could it be in your life?
Carly is one of our shelter’s great beauties. In addition to a magnificent fur coat our little diva also sports extra toes. She’s a polydactyl with princess syndrome. If you would like a pin-up puss with catitude be sure to inquire for Carly.
Leggett is looking a little pensive in this photo. He’s been at the shelter for some time and is beginning to worry about his prospects. A handsome tiger cat in a pin-striped suit, he is young, enterprising and available. He would be the purrfect fit in any household.
Described as a ‘drive-by dump’, Breeze was unceremoniously dropped off in a sub-division near Belleville. This six-year old cat is very people friendly and would make the ideal companion for a retired couple or a senior. She does not play well with others and would not be a good addition to a multi-cat household.
Porter House Steak aka Porter Steak
Porter, who also answers to “Steak” was found near Wellington, by a woman who was barbecuing, you guessed it, steak. He did his best to wangle a dinner invitation but instead was brought to our shelter. While he enjoys the plain fare here he remains hopeful that a local gourmet will adopt him.
From the Desk of Liza:
Please forgive me for abandoning my customary duties this week. I have gone into seclusion because I cannot bear to face everyone here at the shelter, after that terrible interview on Live@5. I hope Mr. Welychka will forgive me for my inexcusable behaviour.
Of course, many of today’s stars have experienced similar disasters – Mel Gibson for example. Perhaps Mrs. M. is correct when she says that no one will hold my little lapse against me. After all, it was all the fault of that dreadful kitten, Anon-A-Miss.
When I saw her flirting with our host and doing her best to steal the show, I forgot myself and said a few choice words. Now, if you will excuse me, I think I will stroll over to Vicky Icky’s house where I understand Kiefer Sutherland is cowering under the couch. I wonder what he said on TV to get himself into trouble??
-Until next week,
Loyalist Humane spokescat hilarious on national television
SPECIAL BULLETIN – reported by Margaret Haylock Capon (for Franco)
Not since Janet Jackson’s famous wardrobe malfunction has there been such an embarrassing incident on national television. When our official greeter and spokescat Liza made a guest appearance on CKWS’ Live@5 on Wednesday, for an interview with the show’s host, Bill Welychka, she attacked him and used language that had to be bleeped by the censors. Here’s how it played out.
Volunteer Lynn Weber arranged for Liza and one of the kittens from our shelter to appear on Live@5 to promote the good works of our shelter and to encourage adoptions. Somehow, Liza got the mistaken notion that our shelter manager Mrs. Moffatt was taking her to the Golden Globe Awards to be publicly acknowledged for her star performance as our spokescat. She was more than a little miffed when she learned that this was not the case.
After what our prima donna describes as a very long car ride, she was taken to the television studio along with a cute little rug rat from our shelter who is seeking a forever home. Of course, everyone fawned over the kitten, much to Liza’s disgust. Her mood did not improve when she was sent to wardrobe after someone observed that her best red and white fur ensemble seemed a trifle tight around the middle. There was some discussion about adding a rhinestone collar to draw the viewers’ eyes upward.
At last, Liza’s big moment came. She was taken onto the set by Mrs. Moffatt who held her on her lap. To her left were the show host, Mr, Welychka and Mrs. Weber, who was holding that pesky kitten. Of course, the kitten immediately stole the show, much to Liza’s disgust. Poor Mr. Welychka had no idea of what a bad idea it was to make our Liza take a back seat to that little urchin. When he reached over to pet her, she unleashed a string of oaths that would make a sailor blush and threw a punch. He leapt back and gasped, “Do you think she was she scared of my microphone?”
For the remainder of the interview, Liza looked glum while that cunning little kitten played to the cameras. In an attempt to mend fences, they decided to give our spokescat a close-up at the end of her 15 minutes of infamy. The camera zeroed in on her grumpy face and she spewed out an oath unfit for a kitten’s ears.
If you missed Liza’s shocking TV debut be sure click the link and view yesterday’s show. Our resident spokescat retired to The Laundry Room immediately after her disastrous interview with Mr. Welychka and hid in the bathroom. When Mrs. Moffatt announced dinner she received instructions to slide it under the door. Wails of “Where’s my Emmy?” can be heard at intervals.
Of course, in Liza’s next report from The Laundry Room there will be no mention of yesterday’s fiasco, but as your roving reporter for the Loyalist Humane Society, I felt our readers deserved to know the truth.
Franco the Snitch
* * *
Lost love, love on the rebound, fickle love, and happily ever after
Happy New Year, Everyone
It’s Liza, reporting from The Laundry Room at the Loyalist Humane Society, Talbot Street’s happening place. And believe me, a lot has happened since my last report. First, I would like to share a story of lost love, love on the rebound, fickle love, and happily ever after.
Recently, Picton Gazette news editor Adam Bramburger visited our shelter, but he was not looking for a scoop. Instead, he was hopeful that he might find his lost cat here. Mrs. Moffat regretfully told him that no puss matching its description had made its way to us.
While Mr. B. was here, he noticed one of our new arrivals, Catlick Schoolgirl. You may think that this was a curious name for a cat, but this little miss had been “arrested” after repeatedly trying to enter St. Gregory’s Roman Catholic School in Picton. Mr. B. was smitten and decided that perhaps the time had come to move forward. He adopted Catlick.
All went well with this arrangement, until the surprise reappearance of Mr. B.’s “lost” cat. There was considerable surprise on both sides. The missing cat could not believe that it had been replaced already and Mr. B. was a little shocked to find that his feline family had just grown. There was a brief period of adjustment, but Mrs. M. says at last report, this little family is living happily ever after. It is rumoured that Mr. B. drives Catlick to school each morning and his original cat now stays very close to home.
There is another amazing story that I would like to tell you about an escapee from our shelter who abandoned her children more than a year ago and headed for the hills (actually, the fields in this case). A feral cat with two kittens, she had been trapped, in Consecon, along with her offspring. When she came into care here, she was placed in a spacious crate in the maternity ward. Despite Mrs. M.’s best efforts this particular puss refused to be tamed. She waited her chance and, one day, when she discovered the bottom latch of her crate had accidentally been left unhooked, she squeezed through the door and bolted. Mrs. M. and Gail were worried but felt sure that the escapee would return to her children. Unfortunately, they had grossly over-estimated her maternal instincts. She was never seen again and her kittens were fostered by a sweet shelter cat named Paw-Maw.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, or in this case at ghostwriter Maggie’s house, a stray cat arrived at the barn. My ghostwriter fed her, named her Bobbie Socks, and invited her to take up residence in the barn. In the spring, Socks had three kittens, which Maggie adopted. This summer, she gave birth to another litter, which also was taken into care. All efforts to trap this feral cat proved futile. However, some progress has been made in taming her. Socks now, occasionally, allows Maggie to touch the side of her face or lightly stroke her sides. Her maternal instincts have improved markedly. She was strongly devoted to her last offspring and remains interested in their welfare.
Mrs. M. helped Maggie with both of Socks’ litters and gave her lots of good advice. She visited the kittens and saw Socks on numerous occasions. She observed that this feral cat had strange eyes and reminded her of another feline that had once been at the shelter.
Last week, Mrs. M. had a Eureka moment. She found an old newsletter with a photograph of the feral cat from Consecon on its front page. Both she and Maggie agreed that it looked very much like Socks. Maggie took the picture home and carefully compared it to Socks. It was a perfect match. Socks is the mother wanted for child abandonment and her cover has been blown. Her refusal to be trapped is now readily explainable. She was trapped and confined once before and is far too smart to fall for such tricks again.
Socks is happy in her new home. She has a job as head mouser and Maggie’s husband feeds her tins of poached trout and Mariner’s Catch. He tells Maggie that if she wants good help, she has to expect to pay for it. Socks’ love life is a concern and once again efforts are in progress to live-trap her. It appears that her motto is “live free or die”.The battle of wits is on once again and Socks has already proven that she is a formidable adversary.
If you are beginning to feel that you may be missing out on a lot of fun by not owning a cat, let me introduce you to some of our residents who are in search of caring, forever homes. Come with me.
Like Sylvester Stallone, Rocky has gone a few rounds and his battle scars show. It is believed that he never won a fight. A gentle, older cat who has beaten the odds to survive he would like to spend his golden years with a senior citizen or retired couple who could give him the love and attention that he did not receive in his early years. There’s still some fight left in this feisty senior who deserves a forever home with lots of one-on-one attention. If you want a cat with character and colourful tales to tell, just ask for Rocky.
Mickey D – This Week’s Poster Cat
Our first poster puss of the New Year is Mickey D. who was found in a farm barn and brought to the shelter by his rescuers. He’s young, friendly and very beautiful. He was a shoo-in for Pin-Up for January.
This striking young tiger cat certainly received a lump of coal in his Christmas stocking this year. He was dropped at the doorstep of our shelter, just before the holidays. Mrs. M. describes him as “absolutely lovely” and predicts that he will soon find his forever home with a caring family.
Moo-Moo and Callie
Moo-Moo and Callie are both hopeful that 2013 will be their year. On New Year’s Eve, they both wished for forever homes. Until the real thing comes along, they are “just chillin” and dreaming of what it would be like to have families of their own.
Jules is a little sad these days. This young and handsome puss has been auditioning for his forever home for months now, but no one ever seems to notice him. Prospective families, scratch his head and walk on by. He cannot understand why no one wants him, for he is a very special cat. He even has his own business, a string of kiosks in area malls. He says he would trade it all for love, in a heartbeat. Can you open your heart and home to this lonely entrepreneur?
As you can tell from the patchwork quilt he has chosen for his bed, George is a home body who enjoys the simple life. If you are searching for a BFF who likes nothing better than to cuddle on a cold winter’s night, he’s your cat. He’s handsome, well-manner and available. All sincere offers will be considered.
No, our resident legal advisor, Crawford, did not tie the knot over the holidays. He says this lovely, mature cat is absolutely no relation. A striking puss in her coat of many colours she is hopeful of a forever home in time for Valentine’s Day.
A beautiful woman of mystery, Francesca confesses to an embarrassing problem. As you can see, she has a small “moustache” which is not particularly fetching in a girl. However, she is loving and eager to please and would be a wonderful addition to any household.
From the Desk of Liza:
Lots of excitement here during the holidays. I am pleased to report that Okra, Catlick Schoolgirl, Betty Boop, Cook, Crockpot, Patsy, Jenny Lind and Tubby all found their forever homes. On a sad note, Vanilla Ice was diagnosed with leukemia and crossed the Rainbow Bridge. We also lost Hoover, another popular resident.
Three generous youngsters who wanted to do something to help the cats and kittens in our shelter gave us some wonderful gifts recently. One five-year-old boy named Seth asked that the guests at his birthday party bring donations for the shelter instead of presents. We received $345 as a result of his thoughtfulness.
An 11-year-old boy named Jack also asked his party guests to donated to the shelter. We received 80 pounds of food, litter, and toys and $50. in cash. Also, Emily, a Grade 3 student who sold reindeer candy canes, donated the proceeds of her sales to us.
All of us here at the shelter are very grateful for these presents and proud of the young people who so generously gave them. What terrific kids!
Our first-ever Christmas tree sale was a big success. We sold 30 trees! And Lorain Sine’s annual Christmas show raised $1,400. for our shelter!
Our quilt raffle, which was won by Colette Bautauer and a blanket raffle won by Kingsley Blease, also brought welcome funds and our bake sale held just before Christmas raised an incredible $2,000.
Also, Picton’s Pet Valu held a litter drive for us and the bottom line was 100 bags of litter.
We have recently introduced a sponsor program which could be the purrfect way to have a cat with all of the pleasures but none of the responsibilities. For just $20. a month you can sponsor one of our residents. You will receive a tax receipt and a periodic letter from your foster feline. Already Claudette and Zeke have sponsors. Claudette used her money toward much-needed dental care and Zeke is using his to do drugs (he has respiratory problems).
-Until next week,
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