Who’ll stop the rain?

Paul Peterson

So it came to me in a series of Hmmm moments.
First I heard they were making the story of Noah into a film.
Hmmmm.
Ok .
Sounds interesting. I never would have guessed, but OK, there is a really active Christian film circuit and this may be an extension of that. Right now, Son of God and God Isn’t Dead are holding their own theatrically.
So the clouds lifted and June’s dull boy had a moment of insight.
Then I heard it had a budget north of 200 million.
What…?
Where’s the special effects in that? Well, as it turns out, building an arc, rounding up all those species of critters and varmints and then ending the world with a storm might be a little tricky, so again, I thought I understood.
Wrong again.
The next bit of info was that it was directed by Darren Aronofsky. Are you kidding me? Aronofsky is the prince of darkness.
If you watch one of his films and don’t need a psychic shower you have issues my friend.
Get a grip. Requiem For A Dream. Say no more.
OK need more.
The Wrestler.
Not done yet?  How about Black Swan?
I need a check up from the neck up just playing the highlight reel in my head.
The thing about an Aronofsky film is it will get you thinking and show you the minutae of flaws in the protagonist and that’s where we’ll pick up Noah.
It’s a hard watch.

Spectacular in scale and scope. Riveting from the outset.
Noah is tortured. He literally has the weight of the world on him and it doesn’t sit well quite frankly.
Played with calculated venom by Russell Crowe.  There’s nothing heroic about this Noah. In some ways you could make a case that the biblical Noah was a hero. He saved the world or at least played a pivotal role in preserving it.
Not here.

Spoiler alert!
I don’t usually give away key plot points but I have to pull the trigger on this line.
The best thing you can say about Crowe’s Noah is that at least he didn’t kill the child.
I have never used those words in a sentence before

Here’s the thing:
This movie hasn’t found it’s audience yet, at least not where I’m playing it.
This is not your parent’s bible story. God is never mentioned, much to the chagrin of the faithful.
It’s the creator, and the creator might drive a UFO.

There is definitely a story to tell about the final days of earth and how people turned on Noah. We get an up close and personal account.
However, try this summary on for size: When the armed hoardes are attacking the arc, Noah and his cargo are saved by the giant fire breathing rock people who smite the creator’s enemies with their giant rock clubs.

Ya.
I don’t remember that scene from The Bible Story.

Noah is interesting.
It’s incredibly violent.
Rated 14A. I found some of the content disturbing and there’s something in me like biting on tin foil. I can only imagine how some impressionable young person might respond.
I haven’t heard this many negative exit comments since Adam Sandler played his own sister.
Ok most of them were me apologizing for charging people to get into that one.

This one is not for everyone.
I’m not sure who it is for, but I don’t really want to be alone with them any time soon.
As always, other opinions are welcome, but wrong. That’s it for this week. The cheque’s in the mail and I’m outta here. Paul.